randomly chaotic and frequently mundane

got a new toy earlier this week.  of the adult variety.  which i broke in tonight.  it was very nice.  it’s a “jelly” vibe, so you kind of need lube.  i don’t have any.  so i put a condom on it.

lovely as it was for solo use, it would definitely be very nice to use with someone special… or have them use it on me… the possibilities are endless, of course.

about 3 minutes left in the avs game… it goes well.

i’ve been working on a grocery list today… nothing major just some food to get us thru the week.  especially since gage is home on spring break and is eating constantly lately.

gage is playing with a light saber.  that’s my boy *g*

i have a nagging cough that will not go away, and i would really like a cigarette.

gage is having a bit of an off day.  several temper tantrums.  he’s been having a little minor diarhea off and on the past few days, it’s probably making him uncomfortable and contributing to his irritation.  he’s also puked in the living room twice in 2 days.  blah, i say.

avs won.  excellent.

avs game today. an absolutely must win game, as the rest of the games on the season are. i’m excited.

gage is very cute. incredibly, in fact. i was just putting him in the shower and he started rubbing his head. so i asked if he wanted to wash his hair. and he said “wassa hair” which i assume is wash your hair. so after he got good and wet i grabbed his shampoo and lathered him up. the problem comes when he moves away and it still needs to be worked into his hair. i had to change my shirt and now one side of my head is decidedly wetter than the other, lol.

got a money order for a candle yesterday. i need to find a suitable box for to mail it in. also did some listing/re-listing the other day. added the jasmine candles to the bunch. they’re nice. not just the scent, but the cups they’re in are pretty awesome. hopefully they’ll sell, along with the rest of the candles i have listed.

tiger has become obsessed with licking his paws again… looks like he’s going to have to have the balm/sock treatment again soon.

mystery, alaska is on. good movie. as hockey movies go, it’s no slapshot (but really what is? certainly not slapshot 2, lol). the thing i love most about it is that the underdog doesn’t win. the team everyone expects to lose still loses. but they put their best effort on the ice, i like that. because let’s face it, in any sport no matter how well you play, no matter how hard you try you don’t always win.

so i got a book from paperbackswap that i was waiting for. fat smash diet by dr. ian smith (of celebrity fit club fame). the first phase of the diet lasts 9 days… it’s a detox stage. no meat, no bread… mostly fruits and vegetables. basically for the first 9 days i would eat as much (freshh) fruits and veggies i want except for white potatoes and avocados, and water.

plus limited quantities of brown rice, beans, lentils, tofu, chickpeas oatmeal, soy milk (other milk is allowed but i don’t drink that), yogurt, egg whites, herbal tea.

after the first phase i would be able to add meat/chicken/fish to my intake as well as more milk, cheese, egg yolks, cereal, sweeteners, coffee, etc.

missing out on bread and potatoes for awhile will be difficult… but i think i can do that. i like that i don’t have to try and keep track of calories with this diet. definitely worth a try.

i took a cute picture of myself today… what can i say, i was just in the mood to play with the camera. *g* did makeup and hair and took a few photos. this was my favorite i should play with the camera more often. i used to all the time and had all these pictures of me that i loved… and that woody loved, he he. i haven’t really taken many pictures in the past year or so. i should start again. i need to take some pictures before starting the new diet… which is really just the next phase in my personal “i’m hell bent on getting back in shape” program. i didn’t take any true pre-diet pictures… so i’ll take em 10 lbs down from my starting weight.

i want to get my hair cut. it’s been waaaaay too long since it’s been trimmed or cut.

i am in pain… having pain in the sternum/diaphram area. it comes and goes. it feels like something is pressing and squeezing… a burning pain stabbing pain. usually comes with intense nausea, occasional vomiting of bile. lasts anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes. oh yeah, good times.

it’s snowing. just so you know you read that right… it’s snowing. a lot. i’m pretty sure this is the last snow storm before spring breaks for good. fortunately, all the seeds i planted a couple of weeks ago have high frost tolerance. maybe they’ll start popping up when the snow melts.

gage apparently likes the bear naked banana nut granola

the cleaning is done. seriously. this house is clean. all i had to do today was straighten a little bit and vacuum, which i think i need to do everyday between the 3 animals and the little boy what drops food regularly. it’s nice to look around and NOT think “i need to clean the….”

at the moment, gage is sitting in a box full of packing peanuts. i don’t know why. i let him keep the box because he seems to like the feel of the peanuts and doesn’t spill them all over the place. nor does he attempt to eat them. now he’s sitting in them. i suppose they might make a nice soft seat. never really thought about it.

tomorrow is a field trip day. gage’s class is going to the pool. he’s gonna love that. so tomorrow i have to dress him w/ his swim trunks under his clothes. and since we couldn’t find any “little swimmers” i’ll have to send a note for the teachers to remove the pull up before he gets in the water. the only problem i can see them having with gage tomorrow will be the desire not to leave the water. he LOVES playing in the water.

i have a wolf/husky from stuffafriend that i haven’t done anything with. i’m thinking about maybe trying to get gage to participate in stuffing it. it’s so cute and soft i think he’ll love it.

a couple in illinios is upset because they can no longer use a cattleprod to control their autistic son’s violent outbursts.

*blink*

a cattleprod?

a fucking cattleprod?????? not cool. not cool in the least. seriously. i don’t give a flying fuck if it’s “a mild shock” it’s called a cattleprod for a reason.

ok. i can understand that there are times that you feel helpless when your child is out of control and runs the risk of injuring themselves in a fit of rage or frustration or whatever causes their particular brand of outbursts. but a cattleprod? i just can’t wrap my head around that. to claim that you only use a cattleprod on your child to “protect” them is just ridiculous and i’m not buying it. there are other treatments. find them. use them.

someone wrote an answer to “welcome to holland.”  (which i posted in my livejournal a couple of weeks ago)

and i think… she knows gage *insert spooky music here*

Holland Schmolland
By Laura Krueger Crawford

If you have a child with autism, which I do, and if you troll the Internet for information, which I have done, you will come across a certain inspirational analogy. It goes like this: Imagine that you are planning a trip to Italy. You read all the latest travel books, you consult with friends about what to pack, and you develop an elaborate itinerary for your glorious trip. The day arrives. You board the plane and settle in with your in-flight magazine, dreaming of trattorias, gondola rides and gelato. However, when the plane lands you discover, much to your surprise, you are not in Italy — you are in Holland. You are greatly dismayed at this abrupt and unexpected change in plans. You rant and rave to the travel agency, but it does no good. You are stuck. After a while, you tire of fighting and begin to look at what Holland has to offer. You notice the beautiful tulips, the kindly people in wooden shoes, the French fries and mayonnaise, and you think, “This isn’t exactly what I planned, but it’s not so bad. It’s just different.” Having a child with autism is supposed to be like this — not any worse than having a typical child — just different.

When I read that, my son was almost three, completely non-verbal and was hitting me over a hundred times a day. While I appreciated the intention of the story, I couldn’t help but think, “Are they kidding? We are not in some peaceful countryside dotted with windmills. We are in a country under siege — dodging bombs, trying to board overloaded helicopters, bribing officials — all the while thinking, “What happened to our beautiful life?”

That was 5 years ago. My son is now 8 and though we have come to accept that he will always have autism, we no longer feel like citizens of a battle torn nation. With the help of countless dedicated therapists and teachers, biological interventions, and an enormously supportive family, my son has become a fun-loving, affectionate boy with many endearing qualities and skills. In the process we’ve created… well… our own country, with its own unique traditions and customs.

It’s not a war zone, but it’s still not Holland. Let’s call it Schmolland.

In Schmolland, it is perfectly customary to lick walls, rub cold pieces of metal across your mouth and line up all your toys end to end. You can show affection by giving a “pointy chin.” A “pointy chin” is when you act like you are going to hug someone and just when you are really close, you jam your chin into the other person’s shoulder. For the person giving the “pointy chin” this feels really good, for the receiver not so much – but you get used to it. For citizens of Schmolland, it is quite normal to repeat lines from videos to express emotion. If you are sad, you can look downcast and say “Oh Pongo.” When mad or anxious, you might shout, “Snow can’t stop me!” or “Duchess, kittens, come on!” Sometimes, “And now our feature presentation” says it all. In Schmolland, there’s not a lot to do, so our citizens find amusement wherever they can. Bouncing on the couch for hours, methodically pulling feathers out of down pillows, and laughing hysterically in bed at 4:00am, are all traditional Schmutch pastimes.

The hard part about living in our country is dealing with people from other countries. We try to assimilate ourselves and mimic their customs, but we aren’t always successful. It’s perfectly understandable that an 8-year-old boy from Schmolland would steal a train from a toddler at the Thomas the Tank Engine Train Table at Barnes and Noble. But this is clearly not understandable or acceptable in other countries, and so we must drag our 8 year old out of the store kicking and screaming while all the customers look on with stark, pitying stares. But we ignore these looks and focus on the exit sign because we are a proud people. Where we live, it is not surprising when an 8-year-old boy reaches for the fleshy part of a woman’s upper torso and says, “Do we touch boodoo?” We simply say, “No we don’t touch boodoo” and go on about our business. It’s a bit more startling in other countries, however, and can cause all sorts of cross-cultural misunderstandings. And, though most foreigners can get a drop of water on their pants and still carry on, this is intolerable to certain citizens in Schmolland who insist that the pants must come off no matter where they are, and regardless of whether another pair of pants are present.

Other families who are affected by autism are familiar and comforting to us, yet are still separate entities. Together we make up a federation of countries, kind of like Scandinavia. Like a person from Denmark talking with a person from Norway, (or in our case someone from Schmenmark talking with someone from Schmorway), we share enough similarities in our language and customs to understand each other, but conversations inevitably highlight the diversity of our traditions. “Oh your child is a runner? Mine won’t go to the bathroom without asking permission.” “My child eats paper. Yesterday he ate a whole video box.” “My daughter only eats 4 foods, all of them white.” “My son wants to blow on everyone.” “My son can’t stand to hear the word no. We can’t use any negatives at all in our house.” “We finally had to lock up the VCR because my son was obsessed with the rewind button.”

There is one thing we all agree on: we are a growing population.

10 years ago, 1 in 10,000 children had autism.

Today the rate is approximately 1 in 250.

Something is dreadfully wrong. Though the causes of the increase are still being hotly debated, a number of parents and professionals believe genetic pre-disposition has collided with too many environment insults — toxins, chemicals, anti-biotics, vaccines — to create immunological chaos in the nervous systems of developing children. One medical journalist speculated that these children are like the proverbial “canary in the coal mine” here to alert us to the growing dangers in our environment. While this is certainly not a view shared by all in the autism community, it feels true to me.

I hope that researchers discover the magic bullet we all so desperately crave. And I will never stop investigating new treatments and therapies that might help my son. But more and more my priorities are shifting from what “could be” to “what is.” I look around at this country my family has created, with all its unique customs, and it feels like home. For us, any time spent “nation-building” is time well spent.

a 24 yr old woman stole a teddy bear from a 3 yr old little girl. seriously. she reached into the window of the car the little girl was in and then snatched the teddy bear out of her hands and walked away.

it gets better, she went to the police station later claiming to have found the teddy bear on the ground. she brought a “witness” who declined to submit a written statement — so she was arrested.

she won’t say why she took the teddy bear.

seriously, why? i need to know. why does a supposedly grown, mature adult feel the need to steal anything from a child, much less a teddy bear.

i thawed out a salmon fillet for dinner.  it’s big so i cut it in half.  gage watched me cut the fillet i half.

and then he got a butter knife out of the drawer and tried to cut one of the halves.  it was cute.  maybe i should start letting him “help” me in the kitchen a little bit.  he seems to be very interested in whatever i’m doing when i’m in the kitchen.

apparently, for the first time since 1989 a female umpire will be involved in a MLB game. it’s only an exhibition game, but it’s still awesome. and who knows, she might be asked to continue into the regular season. i love some of the player reactions:

“It’s awesome,” Cubs star Derrek Lee said. “I think it’s about time. Female eyes are as good as male eyes. Why can’t they be umpires? Good for her.”

“She’s doing our game? Oh, cool,” Scott Eyre said. “How do I feel about it? I could care less. If she can call a game, she can call a game.”

it’s nice to see men being accepting of women in male dominated professional sports. even if they’re not playing. i’d love to see a woman officiating an NHL game. that would be awesome.

spring cleaning goes well.  i did the kitchen this weekend, living room yesterday.  today i got the bathroom and gage’s bedroom done, in addition to basic straightening of the living room and kitchen.  i still want to vacuum the hallway today, i’ll get that done in a few…

tomorrow i begin the bedroom *queue dramatic music here*

gage discovered ice cream the other night.  i was dishing myself out a little bowl of bryers vanilla and he touched the ice cream on the lid and licked his finger… then proceeded to scrape all of the ice cream off the lid and eat it.  so i made him a little bowl of ice cream, which he sat and ate with a spoon so nice and neat.  he didn’t make a mess of himself at all.  the next night i thought i’d see how he liked the reeses peanut butter cup ice cream… he didn’t care for it at all.  but he fed mine to me.  which was sweet, but he was so fast about it he kept giving me brain freeze.

things are brighter this week.  i’m feeling better than i have in awhile.  perhaps it’s a spring thing.  who knows.  having a clean house helps, of course.

i finished the quilt top i was working on, just need to get the backing and batting to finish it off.  i’ve come to the conclusion that the squares i bought were not all 4″ some had to be a little smaller or larger.  i sewed them together with 1/4″ seams, 20 rows 14 blocks across.  and it’s not even.  i’ll fix that when i put the back on tho.  it’s still kinda funny.  it’s nice and colorful, bright and random.  there’s floral and toys and stars… it’s quite cool, i think.  woody said it was nice that it’s not the standard drab “grandma” quilt colors.  i like the way he put that.

you let them tear open half of your pez dispenser collection (still sealed in original packaging) so they can play with them… and enjoy the candy.

what can i say… as much as i love my pez dispensers… gage likes playing with them.  it makes him happy.  and i want him to be happy.  i’ll have to find a place to hide the ones i really dont’ want removed fro the packaging, tho.

i’m starting to get sick.  got the scratchy throat and the sinus weirdness… so i took airbourne.  hopefully that will nip it in the bud.

i got some of my to-do list done today.  laundry is about done.  some stuff needs to be fluffed or dried still, but that’s about it.  and i got the kitchen done, except for the floor — the ground is pretty wet still, so there’s no point dong the floor since tiger and gage were dragging dirt in all day.  got a lot done in the living room as well.  lots of stuff found a new home and got out of the way.  at this rate, by tomorrow night i’ll have the living room pretty well organized, cleaned and rearranged.  i just need some inserts for the file cabinet to get everything organized…

oh i have lost my damn fool mind.  forgot my username for my blog, lol.  hows’ that for ridiculousness?  yeah.

gage is eating an apple that’s about half the size of his head.  it’s funny as hell.  he turns it and turns it and turns it and picks a spot to bite.  then he chews the apple off the peel and spits the peel out (on a plate).

he ate some ice cream last night.  he’s only done that once before… he took an ice cream cone from me last summer.  last night he used a spoon and a bowl.  it was SO cute.  i got some pictures.

avs play tonight, should be a good game.  i look forward to it.  might make something groovy for dinner.

today’s to-do list:

• clean the kitchen
• do laundry
• straighten/vacuum the living room
•  make a quick run to the grocery store

i’ve started working on changing my habits a little… to keep the house neater.  it’s gonna take some getting organized tho.  i might go thru the stuff behind the couch today and pull out stuff to list on ebay.  getting rid of stuff we don’t want/need anymore will hopefully open up some space and help me get organized.  if i can make some progress today, maybe i can do some re-arranging i’ve been thinking about… that would be a good thing.

no real content kids… just claiming my blog on my <a href=”http://technorati.com/claim/fkmvj8zhkm” rel=”me”>Technorati Profile</a>

i just took the trash out…

and interrupted squirrel sex in the tree!