randomly chaotic and frequently mundane

i’m tired.  dunno why.  i’m ready to fall asleep…

gage will be going to bed soon.  he’s wearing daddy’s cardinals hat right now.  it’s so cute.  he put a USMC hat on me before he put on the cardinals hat.

i’m very warm, but the door is open.  the breeze is nice.  it’s not cooling me down tho.

my stomach is not happy.

music has always been a huge part of my life… it’s one of my greatest passions, singing has always been one of my fondest dreams… i’ve been thinking a lot lately about favorite singers… for whatever reason.

• rogue (cruxshadows) — there’s something about his voice that i have loved since the first time i heard marilyn my bitterness. there’s just something about it that moves me.
• sebastian bach (skid row) — he’s got one of the most powerful voices from his genre… it’s always given me chills and excited me.
• meatloaf — i love the theatrical power of his voice. i always have.
• pat benatar — love the raw power of her voice.
• martina mcbride — she’s country music’s pat benatar
• bret michaels (poison) — he doesn’t have an incredibly astonishing voice… but something about the way he sings has always appealed to me.
• prince — the best for last… his voice is the epitome of sexy. it can be moving, passionate, playful, lustful. i’m not sure any artist has ever been able to create so many different moods with just the power of his voice.

woody and i have talked for years about doing this acoustic thing… guitar and vocals… i mentioned it recently, that we could do that if he can’t find a new gig.  he seemed receptive to the idea.  i’d love it, myself.

cleaning the kitchen. full scrubdown kind of cleaning. not that it’s in bad shape or anything, it’s just tedious. i should put on some music when i get back to it. i’ve been listening to the rocky horror show soundtrack a lot lately. i’d love to be in a production of it someday. the song once in awhile never fails to make me cry…

Once in a while she don’t want to call you
Speaking on the telephone
And once in your life she won’t want to know you
You look around, the one you found she is gone

And that’s all the time that it takes
For a heart to turn to stone
The sweeter the wine the harder to make the break
You hear something about someone you thought you’d known

So baby don’t cry like there’s no tomorrow
After the night there’s brand new day
And there’ll be no pain and no more sorrow
So wash your face and phone my place, it’ll be okay.

And that’s all the time that it takes
For a heart to beat again
So give me a sign that a lover makes
You look around, the one you found is back again…

there’s a beeping sound. i keep hearing it. dunno what the fuck it is but it’s irritating me. i’ll have to go looking for it in a bit

went grocery shopping last night. it was good. fun. i love to grocery shop, especially w/ woody. he makes me laugh, and it’s always a good time. i think a big part of that is because we share a passion for cooking and food. there are times when we’re discussing cooking, recipes, etc… and we’re so in synch, we bounce ideas off of each other and come up with something phenomenal and delicious.

i’ve been looking up patterns for simply made bears and dolls and stuff like that.  some of the fabric pieces i gt are too small for clothing, but would be good for things like that.  i’ve got a cute piece of blue gingham that i think would make an adorable little bear.  maybe i’ll make one and send it to my niece for her birthday or something.  there’s also one that’s a little more complicated… i was thinking about trying that one w/ a piece of vinyl and a piece of velvet.  i think it’d be interesting.  maybe get some body jewelry for him, he he.

one of THOSE days.  you know, emotional rollercoaster from hell days.  there’s nothing quite as sweet as being in the midst of a very “down” portion of that coaster and having your 4 yr old child climb into your lap and say “wassa matta?”  and then “wha happen?” while he wipes away your tears.

they must be running short on recruits… the mormons, that is.  for one, it’s been about a year since any came knocking on my door.  prior to that i was getting visits once every few months.  and todays pair behaved like they’d never done this before.  which wouldn’t be odd if they weren’t both wearing tags that indicated them to be elders.  one of them said nothing… he reminded me of the devil’s silent companion.  the other one just kept saying “i prayed to god and he gave me the answer.”  over and over again.  they both seemed so nervous.  i just couldn’t bring myself to bring them to their knees.

huh, and they didn’t ask if there was anything they could do for me before they left.

maybe someone hijacked the actual mormon elders who were supposed to be coming to my door and stole their book of mormon and nametags and it’s an elaborate ploy to get into people’s houses to rape and pillage.  LOL

gage, that is.

i’ve been wondering about it for awhile.  drug therapy with autistic kids has been shown to help with focus which enables them to learn better.  we had a meeting recently with someone working on the special ed program for the elementary school… she’s affiiated w/ jfk and works with autistic kids, so she had some good insight.

one of hte kids she’s worked with who was put on the drug she recommended we look into apparently told her it “takes the edge off” and made the analogy that before it was like there was a volcano in his head that was about to explode, and the meds helped that go away, so he could focus on things like communication.

i’m not saying i want my son to spend the rest of his life on meds, but that IS a possible reality.

yeah, there are all these other non-drug therapies, but most of them need basic verbal communication in order to be effective. i’m pretty sure gage understands some verbal communication.  he just can’t express himself verbally.

and i’m starting to wonder if he has some reading skills already.   it was discussed at the meeting, actually… and i know sometimes he’ll pull out his dr seuss’s abc’s book and point to the words on the cover and say “dr. seuss’s a b c” but i wasn’t sure that he hadn’t just memorized it when someone else read it to him.

the other day he started alice in wonderland in his dvd player… he’s figured out how to arrow up and down on the menus and press enter to make a selection.  i watched him go to the bonus features page, then he arrowed down several, stopped and arrowed back up one to a sing along song.  then when it went back to the menu he did the same thing and selected a game.

got a box of fabric today.  bought it on ebay for $5 + $8 shipping.  it was a good deal.  mostly i was interested in pieces… a piece of silver velveteen, a piece of black vinyl and a piece of camouflage.  there’s a bunch of other good stuff in there too… velevet, crepe, mesh… many ideas.  i found a site that has basic instructions for making a corset… i was thinking about using the vinyl to give that a try.

is it annoying.

the cough, that is.  i have medicines tho and it’s going to go away, damnit.  soup was very very good.

there’s been much cuteness today.  let’s face it, gage is the embodiment of cute.  seriously. this morning when he was about to get on the bus i told him he’s such a good boy.  he said “ya mama, i am.”  since he’s been home from school he’s just bee cheerful and happy and dancing and singing.  so very cute.  and i love it.  he also picked out the shirt he wore to school today and put it on all by himself.  it was backwards, and he wouldn’t let me fix it, but hey he did it.  i didn’t get any phone calls from the school, so i’ guessing no one minded that his shirt was on backwards.  it’s an old navy hockey jersey.  he actually just put it back on (he was wearing a t-shirt after his bath earlier).  now it’s on right.

i’ve been feeling a little off lately.  not the cold, which has been bad enough… been nauseous almost constantly for the past 2 weeks or so.  headaches come easier than usual… and my blood sugar is out of whack.  even eating regularly, this past week i have a bit of a crash about once a day.  it’s really weird.

in other health news… desperately in need of ear candle use.  especially my left ear.  damn.

ok, so i finished acceptable risk (by robin cook) damn was it good. i had suspicions about some aspects of the ending, but i SO didn’t expect it to turn out the way it did. it was good. scary. disturbing. i LOVED it.

now i’m reading legion, by william peter blatty. which as far as i can tell was the basis for exorcist III. which is a great movie, by the way.

gage has many books, and i wonder if i should keep them all or sell/trade the ones he doesn’t seem to be interested in and replace em with different ones. when he was just born, and right before he was born we got a bunch of books for him… classic kids books, our favorites, that sort of thing. falling up, the giving tree, charlotte’s web, stuart little, where the wild things are, etc… he likes the giving tree… and sometimes falling up. the others he hasn’t really enjoyed having read to him.

speaking of children’s books… before gage was born, woody found one of my favorite childrens books of all time on ebay and bought it (and 2 others w/ the same character) for me. i wanted it for the baby. blue bug’s vegetable garden. i haven’t read those to gage in awhile. i should try this weekend. he might love em. i’d be tickled pink at that.

that feeling when gage cleans up after himself without any direction. he’s very good about picking up food he’s spilled on the floor, wiping up liquid spills (often at the expense of his shirt), and throwing things away… usually. he puts dishes in the sink, sometimes the wrong side of the sink, but who’s counting. and i can’t help but laugh when i find a paperplate in the sink.

i’m thinking this summer will be time to introduce chores. oh yes. chores. he’s doing really well. and i’m not thinking about anything huge (hey gage, go mow the lawn! LOL). little things. helping me clean his room, for example. maybe he can help me with the kitchen and bathroom floors… things that don’t use chemicals, of course… that would be nice.

so stuff a friend and noah’s ark animal workshop have merged.  which on one hand is nice, it expands the selection by quite a margin — so that’s pretty cool.  there’s also bella bee which after reading about it really appeals to me.  i could certainly see doing some bella bee workshops in the future.

on the other hand… now it’s a new company, new rules, new commission structure… i have to re-think things and figure out how to proceed all over again.  plus there’s the stuff a friend promotional stuff that i’ve got.

i did buy a domain name to redirect to my SAF/NAAW page, http://www.bearyspecialhugs.com  did some preliminary advertising today… hung some flyers and stuff.  i need to get a new color cartridge for the printer so i can make colored flyers.

there are some other groovy benefits.  i signed gage up for mojo’s birthday club, which kids 13 and under are eligible for.  he should get a birthday card and a little present from mojo every year.  i’m hoping i signed him up soon enough to get it this year… i’m really curious.

i need to buy a starter kit for NAAW.  there’s a pretty good one that comes w/ 3 animals, complete iwth outfits, and a fuckton of advertising materials.  plus 60 promotional mailings in my zipcode… not too bad for $129.

round 1 ended and i went 8 or 8 on my picks.

and so round 2 begins…

buffalo sabres vs ny rangers — i gotta go with the sabres.  i think they’re the better team and the hungrier team in this series.

new jersey devils vs ottawa senators — maybe it’s the jersey girl in me, but i think the devils have this series.  brodeur is no doubt disappointed with his play in round 1 which has a tendency to make him that much more determined.

anaheim ducks vs vancouver canucks — this one is really a coin toss for me… so i’m going to err on the side of goaltender playoff experience and say the ducks.  of course, the thrill of being in the playoffs for the first time could work in luongo’s favor… i’m not sure it will.

san jose sharks vs detroit redwings — i honestly think that the sharks have it in them to beat the wings.  and wouldn’t it be interesting to see the western conference final come down to 2 california teams?

it motherfucking pours.  damn.

now on top of the cold crap going thru my system… i have tooth pain.  blah.