randomly chaotic and frequently mundane

Over the posts regarding C and spending time with him, I imagine that one could get the feeling that he’s more than a friend.  Well, he’s not.  He’s just a friend.  With benefits, which are very very nice.  That said, it’s nice that we can go out and have a drink and a conversation without the physical aspect coming into play.  I find time spent in his company (much like my other friends) to be relaxing.  I’m at ease with myself and my surroundings.  Jared seems to think he’s my boyfriend, which is amusing.  But Jared lives in his own little universe.  Nothing I say could convince him that it’s not the case.  At least nothing I’ve said to him yet has worked.  I explained that to C, just in case Jared ever refers to him as my boyfriend in his company.  I don’t want him freaking out or thinking that I believe our relationship is more than it is.

C has helped me so much over the past couple of months as far as putting myself back together.  Just having someone else to talk to about everything I’m feeling and not feeling or not wanting to feel.  Or helping me unwind after a day that’s got me wishing I had super head explody powers that I could use on the people who piss me off.  Like the people who’ve known me for many years, he’s got this uncanny ability to calm and divert a negative emotional state to a happier place with a simple question or comment.  I value his friendship.  To be honest he’s the kind of guy I’d like to end up with if I ever decide to go that route emotionally again.  But not him.  His friendship means too much to me to risk messing it up by taking it to a more intimate level.  Does that make sense?  I’d rather have him as a friend for the rest of my life than ever think of him in the same way I think of an ex or someone I had a volatile relationship with.

So Gage is addicted to Wii bowling.  Can’t say I’m upset by this.  It’s fun, he has a good time doing it and he’s getting exercise while he does it.  It does get a little tiresome having to play so much.  Everyday for at least an hour.  He won’t let me set it up so he’s playing and I’m just a spectator.  Mommy has to play.  I have to admit that I’m impressed with how well he does at it though.  He bowled a 189 recently.  That’s mighty impressive.  His usual score is around 120, which is still pretty good.  He’d do better if he really focused on what he was doing instead of just “throwing” the ball down the lane.  When he focuses he does really well.  I’ve seen him pick up some pretty impressive spares in the game.  Now he’s trying to figure out baseball.  He’s got the pitching down pretty good.  It’s the batting that’s messing with him.  Truth be told, it messes with me, too.  The timing is a little weird.  Or maybe it’s just me.  But it seems a little off from what it should be.  I’ve tried showing him, but he doesn’t want help.  He wants to do it on his own.  After he masters baseball, I think we’ll tackle tennis.  Followed by golf (which I must admit that I’ve played and it IS mildly amusing).  I’m not sure I want to get him into the boxing game though.  I was contemplating what other Wii games he might enjoy playing.  I should rent some or something and see how he likes them.

Actually, it was just one drink but it was very nice.  It was a nice unwind with a nice conversation.  Actually the conversation involved more venting than what most people consider a nice conversation, but that’s beside the point.  The point of the story is that a drink with a good friend has such amazing power.  It doesn’t matter what you talk about, or even what you drink.  You could be drinking hot tea or long island iced tea, don’t matter one bit.  The conversation doesn’t matter either.  It could be insanely mundane or so steamy that the people who are just outside of earshot lean in to eavesdrop on what you’re talking about… Hell, you could sit silently and sip your tea and that be how you spent having a drink with a friend.  It’s about the company.  Being in the company of someone you’re comfortable with, and just enjoying it.  Yeah.  That’s the good stuff folks.  Drinks with a good friend has the power to unwind you, to release all of the tension into the wind… to make the bad go away (for awhile, at least).  It’s got the power to bring a smile to a scowling face and a feeling of ease and contentment to a tormented mind or soul.  Find a friend who needs it and go have a drink with them.

had an interesting night last night.  Not going into details, but I spent some time with C.  The evening start out not so good, but ended very nicely.  At one point, he expressed his appreciation for my friendship, which felt damn good I must admit.  I hope he knows how much I value and appreciate his friendship as well.  How much our long conversations about anything and nothing… you know… the kind of conversations where you spill your souls to each other along with random bits of information (like your favorite pizza toppings) actually mean to me.  The kind that aren’t really linear… but seem to come full circle.  Does that make any sense?  People seem not to grasp sometimes… my friends.  My REAL FRIENDS, are very important to me.  Like family. 

Someone once told me that everyone should have a friend like me.  I’m open, honest, giving (of my time and anything else I have to spare), loyal.  Always there to be leaned on or cried on.  One look into their eyes and I can tell when something is missing, broken… when someone is hurting.  And I do whatever I can to fix it, no matter how I’m feeling or what’s going on in my life, mind, heart, soul…

So where’s mine?  Don’t get me wrong.  My friends are as a general rule, all of those things and more.  But with so much going on and so many needing support…

I’ve been broken into so many pieces.  For a long time I didn’t think I wanted to fix it.  Now that I do… I don’t know how.

so Gage’s teacher writes in a notebook every day or so about how Gage is doing in school.  What activities and stuff he’s enthusiastic about, or not enthusiastic about, how his behavior was, etc.  Today’s note included mention of Gage quoting a movie.  The quote is “Where’s the baby?  You lost it?”  She followed that with a comment that she assumes its from a movie or tv show, unless I’ve misplaced a baby.  That cracked me up.  it IS from a movie.  Ice Age.  Manny says “Where’s the baby?” and Diego answers with “You lost it?”

His behavior has been really good since he’s been on the patch.  Aggression at school has been to a minimum.  Even at home, once the patch comes off, he’s been much less aggressive.  There are triggers, of course.  And Kalina not only knows what they are… she USES them.  But mostly, not aggressive.  That’s a great thing.  Also, he’s able to sit still and focus on an activity or assignment in school until it’s completed.  Even at home.  He gets these hidden pictures books from Highlights that have a few pages where you put stickers on the hidden images you’ve found.  He LOVES those pages.  When he gets his magazines, he sits and does those pages until they’re done.  They come in a 2 pack every other month.  I’m thinking of saving one of the magazines he got today, and taking it with us when I take him out to a restaurant or something.  To see if it’s enough distraction to get him to wait patiently and quietly for his food.  Of course that means I’ll probably be taking him to friendlys or something this weekend.  He’ll like that.

For some reason, he’s not too fond of pants.  When he gets home from school… the pants come off right after the shoes and socks come off.  It’s like “I’m home now!  Pants are not required!”  At least he doesn’t take his pants off in public.  Although he does occasionally take his shoes off in public. 

to be nice.

Ok, so I’m at work and this woman comes through my line.  First thing I notice is that black hair and white-blonde roots (that are easily 2 inches long) don’t look good on anyone.  Next I notice a shade of eyeshadow I don’t think they’ve made since the 80’s (think day-glo turquoise).  I’m amused, but I don’t say anything or let it show.  She snaps at the bagger “I’ll pack it myself!”  Ooh, attitude.  This should be fun.  I’m my usual smiling, pleasant, friendly self.  I ask for her price plus card and her coupons and she ignores me.  So I wait, scan a few items, let her get her cart empty.  As she goes down to bag her groceries, I go to ask again for her price plus and coupons.  She snaps again, “Why didn’t you ask for this?  Everyone else asks for this!”  I pointed out that I asked her for her price plus and coupons, she says “Well I only heard you ask for the coupons.”  Yeah, whatever.  I asked for both.  If you weren’t so wrapped up in yourself you’d have heard it.  The bagger you sent away, who was working one register over heard it.  As did the bagger on the other side.  The issue here isn’t me.

So I get the card, scan it and continue to ring.  Still smiling, still being pleasant.  The items on the conveyor belt start jamming up, so I turn it off.  A minute later she yells at me to turn it back on.  Nevermind that there’s a switch down there for her to turn it off and on at her convenience.  Whatever.  Still smiling, as best I can.  Not so pleasant anymore, but not rude.  I finish ringing up her stuff.  She’s still bagging.  The stuff is jamming at the end of the belt again.  So I go to pick up the meat items and stack them so they’re out of the way and not jamming up the flow anymore.  This bitch snatches them out of my hands and yells “I said I’d pack it myself.”  I told her I was just moving stuff so that it wouldn’t jam up and damage her items.  She rolled her eyes and said “Whatever.”  Yeah, smile gone and this dumb cunt (that’s right, I said CUNT) is getting the raised eyebrow that says “I’m no longer amused.”  She got curt replies out of me after that.  Not even a “have a nice day.”  I really wanted to tell her to check her fucking attitude at the door.  Thank you, drive through and FUCK YOUR FRIES.

The next customer, however, was awesome.  She came up laughing her ass off, quite plainly laughing at the bitch before her and had a lot of humorous things to say about the hair and eye shadow.  I mean seriously… turquoise?  I can’t remember the last time it was in fashion to match your eyeshadow to the EXACT color of your shirt.

I’m bored and don’t know how to alleviate it at the moment.  So what do I do?  I’ll just blog some randomness.  No seriously, a bit of randomness here and there never hurt anyone.  At least that’s what they tell me.

So there’s a guy I’ve known since high school.  He’s wanted to get in my pants since then and let me tell you he’s made his desire perfectly plain from day one.  It’s kinda flattering, to be honest.  Although there were times past that it made me a little uncomfortable.  These days I’m more comfortable with my sexual identity than I was in high school and just post high school… so it doesn’t really phase me anymore.  Fast forward 10 years and a trip to the renn faire this past October.  He’s doing one of those games where you swing the mallet and try to get the thingy to go all the way up to ring the bell.  He kept getting 2 out of 3 and it was pissing him off.  So smart ass me shouts after he’s hit the first time on his 3rd or 4th round “hey, if you hit it 3 times in a row, I’ll kiss you.”  And then he hit it 3 times in a row.  So we kissed at the end of the evening.  It was a nice kiss, but it wasn’t going any farther than that.

Anyhoo, I haven’t heard from him in awhile, so I send him a myspace message to let him know I have a cell phone and lost his number and all that jazz.  Apparently he’s been avoiding me… but not really avoiding me.  It’s the kiss.  The kiss apparently worked itself into his brain and he wants some more of that.  Didn’t realize I was such a good kisser, to be honest.  I told him that he should work on his knife throwing skills for the next time we go to the renn faire together.  Now wasn’t that an amusing story?  Maybe you had to be there.

I went to a spa on Thursday and used some of the gift card mom got me for Christmas.  Got my hair cut and my eyebrows done.  It was fun.  I’m planning on going again this week to get the rest of the stuff on the card done: 30 minute massage, facial and manicure.  I’m also planning on having a European waxing done (though I’ll have to pay for that).  It should be an interesting experience.

Jared is back in town for awhile and it’s so much fun to hang out with him.  I’ve SO missed that since he moved out to Cali.  I know eventually he’ll be moving back out there, but I’m going to enjoy him being here as much as possible for as long as it lasts.  Hopefully he’ll still be around when it gets warm and we can do a day trip to the shore or something.  We used to do that all the time.  Of course, our old restaurant is probably gone… but we can find a new restaurant.

Ok, I’ll say it.  The Avs are really sucking this season.  I hate to say it, it tears me apart to say it.  But what the fuck?  It’s like they can’t buy a win lately.  Last in the conference last time I checked.  Oh my poor poor boys.  What is going on?  Alas.  I wish I could watch more games and maybe see what’s so bad this season.  Is it the coaching?  Is it the goaltending?  Are they just phoning it in?  Really… what is it?  I’m at a loss.  I’m heartbroken.

And I’m going to go out on a limb now and say that I think the Sharks are going to take the conference and possibly the cup this year.  It would be nice if the Avs made a playoff spot… but I’m not holding my breath.

it was supposed to stop snowing around noon.  It’s almost 4:30 and it’s still snowing.

School was closed, but that didn’t stop Gage from getting dressed, grabbing backpack and heading out to wait for the bus.  It took awhile to convince him that the bus wasn’t coming.  He REALLY wanted to go to school today.

In other news… there is no other news.

Gage is doing great in school.  Lots of progress, it’s been so amazing to watch him transform.  He seems to revel in the learning and the showing off of what he learned.  He’s doing math now, and today he popped open one of pop-pop’s computer books (you know, those heavy and boring technical manuals?  one of THOSE) and started reading it.  He was just getting every other word or so, but how many adults who aren’t in IT can read those things??? Seriously.  It was tres awesome.  He knows his phone number, address and all that other important information that kids should always know, which is really cool.

The subject has been brought up quite a bit since his last birthday of Chuck E Cheese.  I’ve been afraid to take him, because he might freak out because of a sensory overload, plus the fact that the first time I’d probably have to take him alone, and if he loves it… well it’d definitely be a challenge to get him out when it’s time to leave.  But I’ve decided I’m going to do it.  I haven’t decided when, but I think he’d enjoy it.  Every kid should go to Chuck E Cheese every now and then, right?  I know I did when I was a kid… a few times anyway.  The pizza isn’t all that great, but I remember having a blast with the games and stuff.  I think it’ll be fun.  So I’m going to do it.

Work is work.  Which is why it’s not called fun.  At least that’s what they tell me.  They keep fucking with my hours.  Apparently, people in OTHER departments were told by the managers that hours were going to be cut back during the slow period after the Super Bowl.  No one thought it was important enough to tell the cashiers though.  Nice, huh?  So yeah, they’re hacking hours away and that sucks.  But they did offer me an 8 hour shift on Saturday that I wasn’t originally scheduled for… I’ll be taking that.

Been out with C every weekend, which is certainly fun.  I have to admit that the appeal is not all about the physical relationship (don’t get me wrong, the physical relationship is out-fucking-standing)… I enjoy his company.  He’s fun to spend time with.  I’m very at ease and comfortable with him.  It’s nice.  He’s even seen me eat… and I don’t mean that “nibble a little, claim you’re full and then pig out when you get home” eat (which I don’t think I’ve EVER done).  He’s seen me when the late at night, watching a movie, post sex munchies hit.  Yeah.  THAT kind of eating.  The kind of thing that no woman really EVER wants a man to see her do.  But it didn’t feel weird, I wasn’t trying to suppress my need to fill my body with calories.  I was making suggestions as to what else we needed to eat.  It probably helped that he had the same batch of munchies.