reading back…

Over the posts regarding C and spending time with him, I imagine that one could get the feeling that he’s more than a friend.? Well, he’s not.? He’s just a friend.? With benefits, which are very very nice.? That said, it’s nice that we can go out and have a drink and a conversation without the physical aspect coming into play.? I find time spent in his company (much like my other friends) to be relaxing.? I’m at ease with myself and my surroundings.? Jared seems to think he’s my boyfriend, which is amusing.? But Jared lives in his own little universe.? Nothing I say could convince him that it’s not the case.? At least nothing I’ve said to him yet has worked.? I explained that to C, just in case Jared ever refers to him as my boyfriend in his company.? I don’t want him freaking out or thinking that I believe? our relationship is more than it is.

C has helped me so much over the past couple of months as far as putting myself back together.? Just having someone else to talk to about everything I’m feeling and not feeling or not wanting to feel.? Or helping me unwind after a day that’s got me wishing I had super head explody powers that I could use on the people who piss me off.? Like the people who’ve known me for many years, he’s got this? uncanny ability to? calm and divert a negative emotional state to a happier place with a simple question or comment.? I value his friendship.? To be honest he’s the kind of guy I’d like to end up with if I ever decide to go that route emotionally again.? But not him.? His friendship means too much to me to risk messing it up by taking it to a more intimate level.? Does that make sense?? I’d rather have him as a friend for the rest of my life than ever think of him in the same way I think of an ex or someone I had a volatile relationship with.

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