randomly chaotic and frequently mundane

Spent 3 hours on the phone with CR tonight.  It was fun.  What’d we talk about?  All kinds of stuff.  I honestly can’t remember the last time I talked to someone that long on the phone.  My ear was starting to ache from the phone being pressed against it.  It’s all good.  Good conversations with good people are always awesome.  Part of me wants to pick up the phone and spend another 3 hours talking to him.  But that would be silly since everyone’s gotta work tomorrow and I really should be in bed right now.

In other news… can’t sleep, clown repellant only worked for so long, and that t-rex in the closet is STILL hungry after downing half of the clowns the other night.

Ok, some of the playoff matchups I picked on earlier have been decided so let’s see where we’re at thus far, shall we?  For your convenience, I’m re-posting my picks here so you don’t have to scroll, along with the turnout if the series has ended already.

San Jose v Anaheim — Sharks. (thus far they’re down 3-2… go Sharks)

Detroit v Columbus — Detroit. Won, 4-0.  No surprise.  I wish the outcome WAS a surprise.  Cause that would mean the Blue Jackets won.

Vancouver v St. Louis — Blues. Nope. Vancouver swept the series.  REALLY?  Yeah, really.

Chicago v Calgary — Flames.  (The Flames are actually trailing 3-2 in the series.  When did Chicago figure out playoff hockey?????)

Boston v Montreal — Montreal.  Nope.  Boston swept the series.

Washington v NY Rangers — Rangers.  (Series tied at 3…)

New Jersey v Carolina — New Jersey.  (Series tied at 3…)

Pittsburgh v Philadelphia — Philly.  (Nope, Pens won 4-2)

the who, why, what, when and how are unimportant.  Well, actually they are… but thats on a need to know basis.  Right now, you don’t need to know.  Maybe later.  But not at the moment.  Most important is the feeling.  And the feeling is good.  Hear that world?  I’m feeling good.  Damn good.  Me rikey this feeling.  I missed this feeling.  Ever get that giddy feeling that goes from your toes all the way up to the top of your head?  Where you feel like you’re going to dance through the next shift from hell giggling and making fun of the people that would normally piss you off, cause you just feel so good?  Where you’ve got butterflies and flip flops and all that fun but somewhat disconcerting crap going on in your tummy?  Yeah.  That feeling.  Me rikey.

Andrew (yep, same Andrew — who got yet ANOTHER blog mention, LOL) made one of the funniest menstrual euphemisms I’ve ever heard.  He was joking that he’d gone through the change and didn’t need pads anymore, and said something along the lines of “I figure I don’t need a raft for the river anymore.”  Even funnier is that the girl he was saying it to had no idea what he was talking about.

I saw one of my favorite customers today.  A sweet guy who’s been featured on the food network.  He does BBQ, and from what I understand, he’s one of the best.  Someday I’ll have to give his cooking a try.  He’s one of those customers that always manages to make me smile when he comes in.  I was so excited the first time he came through my line.  I remembered him from the show he was featured on, and I loved the episode.

Seriously people, get with the program.  We work there but we’re not your slaves, chained down to bow to your every whim.  I had a woman today push her cart around behind me so I could put her groceries in it while I bagged them.  She kept telling me “not too heavy, I can’t lift heavy things!” Ok, then why the 3-liter bottles of soda.  People tend to find those heavy.  Why all the fucking canned goods — also heavy.  And who said you didn’t have to lift a finger?  If she’s not putting the crap in the cart after I’ve bagged it, how does she know if I’m making them too heavy for her?  Add to that, she had someone help her to her car and load the groceriess for her.  So she won’t know if they’re too heavy until she gets home, and then it’s too late to complain.  Are you seriously that lazy?  SERIOUSLY????

Then I was put on UScan.  That’s my favorite.  I love watching the sheer number of people who either can’t count or can’t read.  It’s a sad statement on the education.  Can’t count to 20 or can’t deciper the words “20 items or less” I think my son could do that… and he’s only 6 and has Autism.  He just started reading.  But I bet he could figure that part of the equation out.  Then we move on to the fact that these people can’t seem to grasp that it’s the barcode, not the label that needs to be scanned.  You have any idea how many people I see at the UScan who are trying to scan the fucking label?  It cracks me up and they get pissy when I show them what they should be doing.

Then there was the customer who was taking bags off the bagging area and putting them into her cart to bag the groceries into.  She couldn’t figure out why it kept telling her to bag the item.  Here’s a newsflash… that “bagging area” is a SCALE it tells the attendant the weight of the items you’re putting into the bag alerts us if what you put in weighs more than it should and it TELLS THE COMPUTER THAT THE ITEM HAS BEEN BAGGED.  This is not rocket science people.  It’s grocery shopping.  When I explained it, she started putting the stuff she’d already bagged, the stuff I told the computer “Skip bagging” for ONTO the bagging area.  Yeah, it messed the system all up.  She bitched that next time she was just going to go through the line.  Well if you had half a brain this wouldn’t have taken so long.  Again, my son can do this.  He does it almost every time we go through the UScan.  He loves doing it.  Granted, he’s highly intelligent, but this is something a trained monkey can do.  Why can grown adults who presumably have a middle school education no figure this shit out?

I confess that I’ve been anti-relationship of late.  To be honest, I don’t know if I can do it again.  To put myself out there and be torn to shreds like I was just seems like the dumbest thing I could possibly do.  You know?  But then I find myself reconnecting with an old friend and really CONNECTING.  Something… I don’t know.  I remember years ago… eons ago… when we all hung out, there was this book.  We called it “The Universe Book.”  In which people from our group of friends (and a few enemies) were assigned roles in certain universes.  It started with the Animaniacs universe.  I was Yakko, Lan was Wakko and Mare was Dot… we actually had someone assigned to every single character in the show.  Even the Mime Time guy and Randy Beeman’s friend.  I don’t remember every universe we did, but I do recall a few significant ones…

In the Star Trek (original series) universe I was Uhura and the gentleman I’ve reconnected with (let’s call him CR for now) being assigned Scotty.  As far as I recall, we didn’t pick these characters for the most part.  It was decided on by Lan and Jay (who were mine and CR’s best friends at the time).  For those of you who don’t know, in the later movies it’s indicated/implied that these two have a romantic relationship.

In the Lion King Universe I was Timon and he was Pumbaa — best friends.

In the XMen Universe, I was Nightcrawler (ok, I INSISTED on that one) and he was Colossus — again, best friends.

In the Star Trek:TNG Universe, I was Troi and he was Riker, who were Imzadi.  I’m revealing my dorkiness by telling you that Imzadi is a Betazoid word (Troi was half Betazoid) which essentially means beloved.

Yeah, I noticed the trend back then and kept my mouth shut, but I always thought they were trying to push the two of us together.

Now I find myself thinking about this fear of entering into another relationship.  I don’t know that I can love like that again.  I damn near lost myself.  To be honest, I’m terrified.  And then I keep thinking about a song from Rent (the movie).  Another Day.  Particularly Mimi’s parts…

the heart may freeze
or it can burn
the pain will ease
if I can learn
there is no future
there is no past
i live this moment as my last

there’s only us
there’s only this
forget regret
or life is yours to miss
no other road
no other way
no day but today.

there’s only us
only tonight
we must let go
to know what’s right
no other course
no other way
no day but today

i can’t control
my destiny
i trust my soul
my only goal is just to be

there’s only now
there’s only here
give in to love
or live in fear
no other path
no other way
no day but today.

I’m not saying I’m in love or anything like that.  Honestly I don’t know that I have that kind of love to give anymore (which is a sad statement in itself).  But I find myself thinking of him randomly throughout the day.  I find myself missing him.  I find my stomach doing flip flops and the butterfly thing when I talk to him.  It’s all very strange to me.  I’ve spent a long time saying never again.  And now this connection.  The type I haven’t felt in a long time.  Very strange.  Very interesting.  But also very nice.

All sorts of stuff going on.  For starters, an old friend found me on myspace, which is always cool.  Even cooler is that he’s someone I always loved hanging out with though we didn’t hang as often as I would have liked.  He’s one of the funnest and funniest people you’ll ever meet.  Hung out with him yesterday and it was so much fun.  I truly had a blast, couldn’t eat much cause we were both laughing so much we were at risk of choking.  Good times.

Hi AnDREWWWWWW….  Just had to throw that in.

C and I have dropped the “with benefits” and he’s now got himself a girlfriend.  Which is truly awesome.  I was afraid he’d shut himself off from the idea of a relationship like I did, and I’m so glad he hasn’t.  It’s really not a happy thing to do.  We’re still gonna hang of course, cause we’re friends, and that’s also awesome.  Cause I really enjoy hanging out with him.

Got some of the old gang together the other day for a game of penny poker.  Everyone wins when everyone has a good time, so we all won.  It was an evening of hilarity that can only be produced by inside jokes and jokes that are WAAAAAY out there.  Definitely need to do that again.  Too much fun not to.  Maybe with a slightly larger group.  4 was fun, 6 would be even more fun.

FINALLY saw Dark Knight a couple of weeks ago.  “Why so serious?” is my new favorite phrase.  No, actually it’s “I’m gonna make this pencil disappear” THEN “Why so serious?”  I know, I’m crazy.  But it’s ok cause I’m bringing all of you along with me.

You still there Andrew?  Just checking.  LOL  Hope this is making work more entertaining.  Speaking of work…

WHAT THE FUCK?????  Seriously.  People just cannot seem to either read or count.  I haven’t decided which.  Again on UScan today and again with people bringing 40 and 50 items to the UScan.  Seriously?  You have to inconvenience everyone else, right?  You’re that special?  Fuck you.  You’re not special.  You’re just like everyone else, only a little dumber.  Even better, one woman goes through with like 50 items.  Instead of doing her coupons at the end of the transaction, she does them in groups.  3 times while scanning her items, she decides to take care of some coupons.  Seriously.  And all 3 times, I had to go over and help her.  Taking up time that could have been spent helping other customers, or tormenting Andrew (yes, the same Andrew) or one of the guys in produce.  THEN it comes time to pay.  At UScan you have several options… credit, debit, gift card, food stamps, even old fashioned CASH.  But you cannot write a CHECK at UScan.  Guess how she wanted to pay.  Yeah. So I had to suspend the transaction so she could pay at customer service.  I wanted to cancel her order and say “I’m sorry you can’t pay by check at the UScan, you’ll have to go to a regular register.”  But then I’d get fired.  Which would suck.  I’ll save that for when I win the lottery or something.

Ok, so my Avs didn’t make the playoffs… let’s face it, they didn’t even get close enough to smell playoff hockey down the block.  Last in the Conference and 3rd from last in the league.  I’m glad they’ve fired the manager… I hope that new management will fix whatever the problem was.

Anyhoo… the playoffs start soon and it’s time for my annual picking of the teams I think will move on to the second round.  Here goes:

San Jose v Anaheim — Sharks all the way.  I actually think the Sharks might win the conference, if not the cup, to be honest.

Detroit v Columbus — I’d love to pick Columbus, but the smart hockey fan in me says Detroit is going to win it, unless they lay down like they did against the Ducks a few years ago…

Vancouver v St. Louis — I’m gonna go with St. Louis on this one.  Why?  I don’t really know.  I like the Blues.

Chicago v Calgary — I gotta take Calgary here.

Boston v Montreal — Montreal.  Why?  Um, couldn’t tell ya.  Just what pops into my head when I think of a matchup between them.

Washington v NY Rangers — Rangers.  Though I’d love to see Theodore move to the 2nd round, my gut tells me Rangers.

New Jersey v Carolina — New Jersey.  They’re a better team.

Pittsburgh v Philadelphia — Philly.  They’re still ticked off over losing the conference last season, they’ve got something to prove.

it’s just one of those nights.  You know when you have those evenings where you feel very lonely though you know you’re not alone?  I had a great day, spent time with Jared and C hanging out at Jareds house.  It was an awesome time, just laughing and enjoying the company…

Here I am now, alone with my thoughts.  What am I thinking?  Well, I don’t know that I’ll ever want to be in a serious relationship again, but fuck I miss some of the stuff that it comes with.  I miss being held for as long as I want/need.  I miss kissing… can’t remember the last time I was involved in a good make out session.  Yeah, it’s “so high school” but damn is it fun.

I’ve been thinking about everyone I was ever involved in a romantic relationship with… and wondering why I was involved in most of those relationships.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know the score.  I’m far from beautiful.  I might go as far as to say that there are those who find me attractive.  Once I lose some more weight that number might increase a little bit.  But as far as being the kind of girl who attracts the kind of guys that make every girl in the room need a fresh pair of panties cause they’re all kinds of wet… yeah, that’s not gonna happen.  Not really my thing anyway - color me odd, but I think personality is more important.  So I find a guy I think is nice, usually turns out not to be nice, end up getting treated like crap.  And fuck wasn’t even with a hottie for my trouble.

It’s all good though.  I’m comfortable with me and that’s what matters.  Well, mostly comfortable with me.  Working on the parts I’m not comfortable with, so it’s all good.  I’m just rambling at this point in case you hadn’t noticed.  I’d just like to make out with someone and be held for awhile afterwards.  That’d be nice.

I got a spam reply to one of my posts touting something to make me look young again.  I didn’t think I looked that old.  Apparently a lot of other people don’t think so either.  I was carded at a bar two weeks after my 33rd birthday.  When I got my hair cut, they didn’t hand me the book of styles for women to peruse… they handed me the book of styles for teens.  I’m not complaining.  Most of the people at work when they first met me thought I was 25 to 27.  Some of the baggers thought I was closer to 21.  When people find out I have a 6 (almost 7) year old child they look stunned.  Apparently I look too young to have a child so old.  And they tell me that.  They ask how old I was when he was born.  Yeah, I was 26 when he was born.  I’m 33 years old.  Weight aside, I think I look damn good for my age.  Especially since I know so many people in my age group who look closer to 40.  And the weight issue is being taken care of.  I’ve lost 3 lbs this month.  Go me.  Weight’ll drop faster and I’ll tone up more once the gym opens.  Until then, I’m taking the small steps that I can to enact positive change.  The Wii and Wii fit have helped a lot.  Once I get into a solid workout routine… I’m quitting smoking.  Or at laest cutting back to where I’m only smoking a couple of packs a week.  At the moment I’m close to a pack a day, and that’s so bad.

No really, that’s his name.  Lucky.  Our dog.  We’ve had him since October 31, 1995.  So he’s like 14 years old.  Getting up there in years, and these days the back end doesn’t work so well.  His legs, I mean.  They keep falling out from under him.  He goes to squat sometimes (ok, a lot of the time) and falls in.  It’s so sad.  And it’s getting worse.  I think that his time will be coming soon and that makes me very sad.  He’s been a part of our lives for so long.

Gage, that is.  He’s doing really great in school, and at home.  I’ve noticed that he’s more affectionate.  He often turns to Kalina and holds out his arms and says “Kawina… gimme hug!”  It’s absolutely adorable.  I’ve just got to get him off of this “I’m home from school now, lets go to the grocery store or McDonalds or somewhere else” kick.  It’s one thing to have him do that occasionally.  But he does it everyday.  If we don’t get in the car and go somewhere, there’s a little meltdown.  Sometimes a big meltdown.  But I’m trying to limit those occasions that we do actually get in the car and go to days that we actually NEED to.  Can’t have him thinking that just because he put on his shoes and jacket and asked for the car that he’s going to go get french fries or something.