I confess that I’ve been anti-relationship of late.? To be honest, I don’t know if I can do it again.? To put myself out there and be torn to shreds like I was just seems like the dumbest thing I could possibly do.? You know?? But then I find myself reconnecting with an old friend and really CONNECTING.? Something… I don’t know.? I remember years ago… eons ago… when we all hung out, there was this book.? We called it “The Universe Book.”? In which people from our group of friends (and a few enemies) were assigned roles in certain universes.? It started with the Animaniacs universe.? I was Yakko, Lan was Wakko and Mare was Dot… we actually had someone assigned to every single character in the show.? Even the Mime Time guy and Randy Beeman’s friend.? I don’t remember every universe we did, but I do recall a few significant ones…
In the Star Trek (original series)? universe I was Uhura and the gentleman I’ve reconnected with (let’s call him CR for now)? being assigned Scotty.? As far as I recall, we didn’t pick these characters for the most part.? It was decided on by Lan and Jay (who were mine and CR’s best friends at the time).? For those of you who don’t know, in the later movies it’s indicated/implied that these two have a romantic relationship.
In the Lion King Universe I was Timon and he was Pumbaa — best friends.
In the XMen Universe, I was Nightcrawler (ok, I INSISTED on that one) and he was Colossus — again, best friends.
In the Star Trek:TNG Universe, I was Troi and he was Riker, who were Imzadi.? I’m revealing my dorkiness by telling you that Imzadi is a Betazoid word (Troi was half Betazoid) which essentially means beloved.
Yeah, I noticed the trend back then and kept my mouth shut, but I always thought they were trying to push the two of us together.
Now I find myself thinking about this fear of entering into another relationship.? I don’t know that I can love like that again.? I damn near lost myself.? To be honest, I’m terrified.? And then I keep thinking about a song from Rent (the movie).? Another Day.? Particularly Mimi’s parts…
the heart may freeze
or it can burn
the pain will ease
if I can learn
there is no future
there is no past
i live this moment as my last
there’s only us
there’s only this
forget regret
or life is yours to miss
no other road
no other way
no day but today.
there’s only us
only tonight
we must let go
to know what’s right
no other course
no other way
no day but today
i can’t control
my destiny
i trust my soul
my only goal is just to be
there’s only now
there’s only here
give in to love
or live in fear
no other path
no other way
no day but today.
I’m not saying I’m in love or anything like that.? Honestly I don’t know that I have that kind of love to give anymore (which is a? sad statement? in itself).? But I find myself thinking of him randomly throughout the day.? I find myself missing him.? I find my stomach doing flip flops and the butterfly thing when I talk to him.? It’s all very strange to me.? I’ve spent a long time saying never again.? And now this connection.? The type I haven’t felt in a long time.? Very strange.? Very interesting.? But also very nice.
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