randomly chaotic and frequently mundane

there’s a dog in the house again.  She’s a puggle named Petunia and absolutely adorable.  She’s also sweet as hell.

Gage is doing really good in school.  Next year he’ll be in the more advanced Autism class, which is excellent news.  I’m so very excited and proud and all of that.  We’ve signed up for the Autism walk again this year.  We want to make it an annual thing.  Starting the fund raising so we’re not scrambling at the last minute to try to get donations.

Work is work.  One of our more unpleasant customers was in today — skunk lady.  She attempted to make amends for some of the nastiness she’s unleashed.  Alas, she was attempting to make amends to the wrong person.  Which was both disturbing and amusing at the same time.  Maybe she’s sincere.  I’m not sure I buy it.

Searching for a new car.  New used car, that is.  Found a couple of options that look like they’ll be reliable, budget friendly and kind of “fit” as far as me getting behind the wheel without needing 25 pillows to be able to see over the dashboard.  Shortness has it’s challenges, you know.

Read New Moon and Eclipse this weekend.  Good books.  Can’t wait to see the movies.  Now I just need to get a copy of Breaking Dawn and complete the series.  I dunno about that whole “Team Edward/Team Jacob” thing.  Frankly, I think Bella should stick with Edward and send me a Jacob.  I’d definitely like a Jacob in my life.  Or maybe an Edward.  Both at the same time could be interesting, too.  LOL

I haven’t posted in ages, I doubt anyone actually reads this thing anymore, but I’m back.  Hopefully I’ll stay off my lazy butt and update more often.  I’m hoping to get back into at least a weekly routine.  Which also means that I’ll probably start doing some paid posts again, but I’ll do my best to be a good girl and only post paid posts on products, services, etc that I’m interested in.  I’ll also try to keep it from taking over, since I know there was a point that it got WAY out of hand (but it was also my only source of income at the time).

 Anyhoo, I’m doing ok.  The boyfriend mentioned awhile back is no more.  Hopefully we’ll stay friends, but let’s face it, how often does that work out?  C (the “boy toy” that preceeded boyfriend) has expressed interest in adding benefits to our friendship again, but I don’t know that I want to go there.  I’ll be 34 years old in a few weeks, do I really want or need a friend with benefits?  Don’t get me wrong, it was mighty fun to be able to say I was “nailing someone 10 years my junior” and it was VERY good.  But I just don’t know if that’s something I want right now.

My car is on its last legs, I’m hoping to save up enough for something decent before it dies.  If I don’t manage that, I’ll be borrowing mom’s bike to ride to work every day.  Which will be mighty fun in the dead of winter.  I actually found a used 98 Corolla, which is something that I used to drive and LOVED.  Hopefully, when I’m ready to get something it’ll still be available and in good condition.  It would be nice to have one of those again, it was my second favorite car ever.  My favorite was an 81 civic.  When I got my current car, I actually found one for sale but it needed an alternator.  When I called around to see what getting one put in would cost, the estimate was more than the asking price on the car.  I wish I’d gotten it anyway.  If I’d talked to Joe about it, I probably would have.  Alas, i was stupid about it.  Maybe this time I’ll do better.

Life is not bad.  Actually, it’s better than not bad.  I’ve been working out, which is awesome.  Not as much yet as I’d like to, but I’m building up stamina to do more frequent and longer workouts.  I’ve also taken the plunge back into the world of relationships.  Still terrified as hell, to be honest.  But so is he, so at least we’re on even ground there.  Taking our time and moving at our own pace, which is good.  He’s also a hockey fan.  Devils, actually.  Which makes for some amusing smack-talk.  He was not amused when he told me that one of his favorite retired players was Claude Lemieux and I responded with “Oh yeah, an AWESOME former Avs player!”  Yes, I know he also played for the Devils, but I pretended that didn’t happen… I’m such a shit.  But he apparently doesn’t mind that.

the who, why, what, when and how are unimportant.  Well, actually they are… but thats on a need to know basis.  Right now, you don’t need to know.  Maybe later.  But not at the moment.  Most important is the feeling.  And the feeling is good.  Hear that world?  I’m feeling good.  Damn good.  Me rikey this feeling.  I missed this feeling.  Ever get that giddy feeling that goes from your toes all the way up to the top of your head?  Where you feel like you’re going to dance through the next shift from hell giggling and making fun of the people that would normally piss you off, cause you just feel so good?  Where you’ve got butterflies and flip flops and all that fun but somewhat disconcerting crap going on in your tummy?  Yeah.  That feeling.  Me rikey.

I confess that I’ve been anti-relationship of late.  To be honest, I don’t know if I can do it again.  To put myself out there and be torn to shreds like I was just seems like the dumbest thing I could possibly do.  You know?  But then I find myself reconnecting with an old friend and really CONNECTING.  Something… I don’t know.  I remember years ago… eons ago… when we all hung out, there was this book.  We called it “The Universe Book.”  In which people from our group of friends (and a few enemies) were assigned roles in certain universes.  It started with the Animaniacs universe.  I was Yakko, Lan was Wakko and Mare was Dot… we actually had someone assigned to every single character in the show.  Even the Mime Time guy and Randy Beeman’s friend.  I don’t remember every universe we did, but I do recall a few significant ones…

In the Star Trek (original series) universe I was Uhura and the gentleman I’ve reconnected with (let’s call him CR for now) being assigned Scotty.  As far as I recall, we didn’t pick these characters for the most part.  It was decided on by Lan and Jay (who were mine and CR’s best friends at the time).  For those of you who don’t know, in the later movies it’s indicated/implied that these two have a romantic relationship.

In the Lion King Universe I was Timon and he was Pumbaa — best friends.

In the XMen Universe, I was Nightcrawler (ok, I INSISTED on that one) and he was Colossus — again, best friends.

In the Star Trek:TNG Universe, I was Troi and he was Riker, who were Imzadi.  I’m revealing my dorkiness by telling you that Imzadi is a Betazoid word (Troi was half Betazoid) which essentially means beloved.

Yeah, I noticed the trend back then and kept my mouth shut, but I always thought they were trying to push the two of us together.

Now I find myself thinking about this fear of entering into another relationship.  I don’t know that I can love like that again.  I damn near lost myself.  To be honest, I’m terrified.  And then I keep thinking about a song from Rent (the movie).  Another Day.  Particularly Mimi’s parts…

the heart may freeze
or it can burn
the pain will ease
if I can learn
there is no future
there is no past
i live this moment as my last

there’s only us
there’s only this
forget regret
or life is yours to miss
no other road
no other way
no day but today.

there’s only us
only tonight
we must let go
to know what’s right
no other course
no other way
no day but today

i can’t control
my destiny
i trust my soul
my only goal is just to be

there’s only now
there’s only here
give in to love
or live in fear
no other path
no other way
no day but today.

I’m not saying I’m in love or anything like that.  Honestly I don’t know that I have that kind of love to give anymore (which is a sad statement in itself).  But I find myself thinking of him randomly throughout the day.  I find myself missing him.  I find my stomach doing flip flops and the butterfly thing when I talk to him.  It’s all very strange to me.  I’ve spent a long time saying never again.  And now this connection.  The type I haven’t felt in a long time.  Very strange.  Very interesting.  But also very nice.