randomly chaotic and frequently mundane

and it’s not even the full moon.  People were in rare stupidity today.  I’m explaining simple things  — things along the lines of “push the button that says…” and they’re looking at me like “huh?”  Seriously?  Am I fucking speaking English?  I just wanna make sure I didn’t wake up speaking Swahili this morning or something.  Or maybe daydreaming about Hot Russian Guy has made me spontaneously learn the language and it’s Russian I’m speaking.  Who the fuck knows.  All I know is that these morons were looking at me like I was speaking in tongues and growing a third head when I said “Push the button that says ‘finish and pay’”  That’s it.  Finish and pay.  Simple words.  Simple concept.  But no, we can’t do that all by ourselves.  We’ve left our brains in our other pants today.  Andrew knows what I’m talking about.  And a bunch of other people from work, too.  It’s disturbing to think that these people are allowed out in public unsupervised.

Here’s hoping tomorrow is a little better — if this stupidity trend continues, I may just have to strangle a customer or two.  Put a little fear of cashier in the customers, ya know?  Maybe they’d be a little nicer.

Speaking of being nice, or not nice as the case may be… I let a customer know today that if she was purchasing at least $25 in groceries, she could get an 18-pack of eggs for cheaper than the dozen that she was taking off the shelf.  No “thank you,” no “oh, I didn’t know that,” no what I got was “I don’t need you to tell me what I should buy.”  Honey, buy whatever you wanna buy.  But when 12 eggs cost $2.39 and 18 eggs costs $1.49, it doesn’t take a genious to realize that you’re getting the better deal on the 18 pack.  But fuck… it’s your money, if you wanna waste it… feel free.

A co-worker and I were chatting, discussing, comparing and we both agree.  Of all the customers from all the different countries (America included) who come into our store, the Russian customers are the nicest.  Personally I’ve found them to be polite, patient, courteous, etc.  We even had one customer, who is Russian, who purchased a money order for one amount but received a money order for 10x the amount she requested.  I’ll be the first to admit that if I had no ties to the store… I’d probably have had a hard time returning that money order to get one in the correct denomination.  This customer, however, did bring it back.  Eastern Europeans are also extremely nice.  Pretty much all of the customers from outside the US are very nice to the employees and other customers.  It’s the American customers who aren’t.  They’re the ones who try to rip us off, who treat us like we’re there for them to walk on.  They treat the employees at the grocery store as if we are so far beneath them that we are not entitled to the simple courtesies that our mothers took such pride in teaching us when we were children.  Whatever happened to a thank you?  Now I’m not saying that all Americans are like that, but I’ve noticed that the customers who walk around and act as if every employee in the store owes them something, or who decides that because they want something for a lower price… or to get a refund on something that they ate in its entirety… or anything else like that… well we should just bend over and take the loss because they deserve it.

What is it with this sense of entitlement that Americans are developing?  This whole “the world owes me” attitude?  No wonder people hate Americans.  As I said, not everyone has it, but so many people who come into my store on a day to day basis do.  There are days I just fuckin hate people.

I’ve said it before… I’ll say it again.  Randall (from Clerks) said it best when he said “This job would be great if it weren’t for the fuckin customers.”

people can be so f-ing rude, you know that?  I mean, seriously.  There’s no reason to be rude to the people at the grocery store, particularly the people who work there.  I just don’t understand the need.  Really.  A little smile, a please or thank you.  Yeah, it’s my job to ring up and bag your crap, but it is not in my job description to take your crap.  Don’t tell me to put it all in one bag, then bitch that I packed it too heavy and get snarky with me.  You’re the moron who asked me to put it all in one bag.  If it’s too heavy, YOU re-bag it, ya dumb shit.  Don’t act like I’ve done something wrong when I did what you asked me to do.  I’m not the idiot who asked for several jars, cans and a half gallon of milk to be bagged together.  I don’t even do that for myself.  But if you ask for it, you get it,

You know what else?  Don’t ask me to pack 2 items inside a paper bag that’s in a plastic bag.  Seriously.  Are you trying to do your best to destroy the planet?  I’m not wasting bags on your dumb ass.  If you want it packed that light, you don’t need double bags — there’s no point.  It’s not like the bottom is going to drop out because there’s an orange and bag of carrots in the frakkin bag.  That shit just pisses me off.

How special you must think you are.  After making your ridiculous demands, you just stand there and watch me bag.  Even better, you throw in comments like “put this in a bag with that.”  Are your arms broken?  What happened to the concept of “helping?”  Did you forget that little lesson that momma taught you?

 Randall is my hero — “This job would be great if it weren’t for the f-ing customers.”

so one of the girls at work is pregnant.  I’m working on a blanket for her, been going at it pretty hard the past week or so, it’s almost done.  but now my fingers ache.  It gets better.  An old friend from many years ago is having a baby soon.  A girl (everyone else I know seems to be having boys), so I can make a blanket I’ve been wanting to make for months.  It’s really girly, so it wouldn’t work for a boy, but now I can make it for a girl.  That’s a good thing.  I was thinking that the pattern might be cool in a different color scheme and made bigger, as well.  I’ll have to see how the first one comes out though.

 What is it about building a website for the straightjacket quartet that makes my computer want to stop working?  The first time it happened, my computer had to be reset.  This time, the fans stopped working and it wouldn’t run for more than 15 minutes without getting hot and shutting down.  It’s now cleaned out and running fine, but I’m afraid to start working on the website again, lol.

Work is… interesting.  A new security guy has people on edge.  The vibe that most employees have gotten from him is that he’s not really there to watch the customers.  I think most people are convinced that if he thinks you did something wrong, he’s going to make a stink and paint the picture however he wants to.  Seriously, it’s to the point that, for example, the people who make the prepared foods are afraid to taste the stuff they make.  Something they generally HAVE to do to make sure that it tastes good, has enough seasoning, etc.  That’s not exactly a benefit to the store.

there’s a dog in the house again.  She’s a puggle named Petunia and absolutely adorable.  She’s also sweet as hell.

Gage is doing really good in school.  Next year he’ll be in the more advanced Autism class, which is excellent news.  I’m so very excited and proud and all of that.  We’ve signed up for the Autism walk again this year.  We want to make it an annual thing.  Starting the fund raising so we’re not scrambling at the last minute to try to get donations.

Work is work.  One of our more unpleasant customers was in today — skunk lady.  She attempted to make amends for some of the nastiness she’s unleashed.  Alas, she was attempting to make amends to the wrong person.  Which was both disturbing and amusing at the same time.  Maybe she’s sincere.  I’m not sure I buy it.

Searching for a new car.  New used car, that is.  Found a couple of options that look like they’ll be reliable, budget friendly and kind of “fit” as far as me getting behind the wheel without needing 25 pillows to be able to see over the dashboard.  Shortness has it’s challenges, you know.

Read New Moon and Eclipse this weekend.  Good books.  Can’t wait to see the movies.  Now I just need to get a copy of Breaking Dawn and complete the series.  I dunno about that whole “Team Edward/Team Jacob” thing.  Frankly, I think Bella should stick with Edward and send me a Jacob.  I’d definitely like a Jacob in my life.  Or maybe an Edward.  Both at the same time could be interesting, too.  LOL

So we’ve been through snowmageddon… or snowpocalypse, whichever name you like.  It was frakkin insane at the grocery store.  Seriously.  Non stop and everyone was so freaked out that I was sure that people were going to come to blows.  I saw people cutting in front of other people at the self check out, people shoving people aside to get to the milk and bread.  It was nuts.  Why does all sense and reason escape people when the weatherman predicts snow???  Seriously, do they think they’re going to be stuck for the rest of the winter?  They DO plow, people.  12-18 inches is nothing.  In 96 we got damn near 3 feet, but you could drive to the store 24 hours after the snow stopped.  When I was in Virginia in the early 80’s we got so much snow one storm the front door was blocked.  Seriously, the front door was fucking BLOCKED by the snow.  Guess what… a few days later, we were able to drive around.  It’s a MIRACLE.  We have the technology to plow, so drop your attitude, grab the essentials and get the hell out of the store.  There is no need to stockpile a months worth of groceries for a snowstorm.  And what is it with all the bread, eggs and milk??  Who NEEDS eggs everyday?  Milk, I get.  If you have children, or use it in your coffee or whatever.  Bread, ok but do you really need 5 or 6 loaves?  Isn’t 1 loaf enough for a day or two?

seriously.  Don’t believe me?  Take a job working with the general public.  Not a specific group of people, like the folks who frequent bookstores or certain clothing stores.  Somewhere that people of all different types visit.  Young folks, old folks, men, women, kids, working people, retired people… you’ll find that there’s rudeness from everyone.  Maybe it’s not rudeness, per se.  Maybe it’s the idea that somehow they’re more important than anyone else in the place.  Maybe that’s what the problem is.  My register shut down today.  Dunno why, but it just shut the fuck down.  I was in the middle of an order and there were a few people in line behind that person.  So the person I was ringing up got taken to another register to have her purchase re-rung completely, the others were directed to another register where I logged in to ring them up.  There were mutterings.  Comments like “well I’m never coming here again.”  Really?  Well don’t let the door hit ya on the ass on your way out.  Strike that, PLEASE let the door hit ya on the ass on your way out.  And feel free to make good on that promise.  Of course, the people who make statements like that made the same statement last week when they had to wait five minutes in line.  And the week before THAT, we ran out of something they wanted, so they said they’d never come back.  They always come back.  They can’t help it.  And they think that we don’t remember that last week they were never coming back to this store.  Seriously, where’s your conviction?  Grow a pair and make good on your promises.  Then you can tell the people at the next store you go to that you’re “never coming back” for awhile.

so apparently I got a mystery shopper at work the other day.  I was asked about the customer.  I remember him.  I was perfect except that he said I didn’t check the bottom of the cart.  Um, yeah I did.  In fact, because he refused to push the cart to a position to where I could easily see the bottom of the cart, I was standing on the shelf under the register to look over the conveyor belt at the bottom of the cart.  Which is when he pulled the item that he had intentionally left on the bottom of the cart out and put it on the belt as well.  This is one of the reasons that half the customers irritate the shit out of me.

if it wasn’t for the fucking customers.

Yes, we start today’s blog with a quote from Clerks.  God I love Randall.  Anyhoo… Maybe I should change the blog title to “bitching about work” and invite a few people to guest post from time to time.  That could be amusing.  Something to think about, anyway.

Seriously though, as much as I bitch about my job, I really do enjoy it most of the time.  I just like to bitch about the ultra-annoying customers or the ultra-rude customers from time to time.  Mostly because they represent (to me) one of the biggest problems with the world today.  A complete lack of courtesy.  I can tell you that it’s very rare that a person in line at the grocery store, who has a large order, will let a person with only a few items go ahead of them.  Usually when it happens, it’s a Senior Citizen who is extending the courtesy.  Somewhere along the way, we’ve become a very “me first” society.  Whatever happened to “do unto others?”  And these same people who wouldn’t so much as offer a stranger a quarter if they’re a little bit short wonder why they keep getting hit with so much bad karma.  Well kids, that’s what happens when you don’t put out a little good karma.  It doesn’t take much… let someone ahead of you in line if they’ve got a lot less than you.

One of the coolest things I ever saw at work… a couple of weeks ago, a young man paused after I rang him up and proceeded to bag the groceries for the elderly woman behind him.  Then he put her bags into her cart and offered to help her to her car.  When she thanked him and said that he really didn’t have to do that, he told her that he hoped that someone was being as kind to his mother when she went shopping.

Nice things like that…  You get what you give folks.  Just something to think about.

Seriously?  Ok people, what happened to courtesy?  Has it gone out the window?  Is it buried with Michael Jackson?  What?

Here’s the deal.  Today at work, I was the attendant at the self check out.  Not a bad gig, you’re more free to move around and you can do more to assist a customer with a question than just say “They can probably help you at the courtesy desk.”   Every so often, when it gets busy, they send me over to a register to take a few customers and keep the lines down then it’s right back to self checkout.  The light that says “hey this cashier is open” isn’t even turned on unless we’re REALLY busy and they need me to stay there for more than 10 minutes.

So today, I was put on a register to take exactly ONE customer.  A customer with a very large order, which would hold up and cause delays in any other line, but since I wasn’t actually open or taking other customers it wouldn’t matter.  I’m getting to the end of this person’s order, placing items in the bag with my back to where the line is and when I turn around there’s not one, but TWO more people unloading their carts at the register.  I check to verify that the light is in fact off… it was.  I finish with the one person that I was supposed to ring up and figure I might as well take these other two customers.  So I start ringing up the first lady… who decides to inform me that we shouldn’t let people with more than 20 items go through the express lane.  I’ll grant her that, especially since the register they put me on was the lane closest to the self check out, where I could still monitor, and that lane happens to be an express lane.  Of course… I wasn’t open, so there SHOULDN’T have been any customers to be upset by this.  But this woman took it upon herself to let me know how bothered by it she was.  So I told her “Well ma’am, this register was only opened to ring up that one customer, who would have caused a big delay in the line at any other register.  I’m monitoring the self checkout and this register isn’t technically open.” To which she responded something along the lines of “well does that mean if I wanted to take a cart full of groceries through express I could?”  I told her no.  Because the register that rang up that cart full of groceries was and still is closed.  She continued to argue that it wasn’t right and that no one should be allowed to take more than 20 items through the express.  So I said “Ma’am, I don’t know that this register qualifies as express, since it’s closed.”  Wouldn’t you know it, by the time I finished bagging her stuff, more people got in line… while my back was turned.  Each time I made a point to give them a raised eyebrow and glance up at my light.  After that, I started taking a tally.  Minus the people that were directed to the register I was at, and the people I told to come into my line, I had 45 people jump in my line today.  While the light was OFF.  Not a single one was courteous enough to ask if I was open.  I even had one who came up as I was leaving the register and say “Don’t go anywhere, here I come.”  I told her I was closed because I had to get back to my station.  She wasn’t thrilled by that, but I really don’t give a fuck.

People please, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out which lanes are open or closed at the grocery store.  And just because there’s someone standing there doesn’t mean that it’s open.  Hell, I had people line up when I went from the self check out to the nearest register to use the hand sanitizer dispenser at the register.  And while you’re shopping, buy some fucking patience.  If I have to hear one more person ask if another register can be opened because there’s 1 person being rung up at express and 1 person being rung up at the “bring as many items as you want” lane, with nobody behind them, I’m gonna scream.  If you’re in that big a hurry, I suggest learning to use the self check out (which is usually completely empty when people pull this bullshit).  You’re not so important that a store must rearrange it’s employees to serve you immediately.  Wait the 2 minutes that it will take for the person in front of you to be done and be happy that it wasn’t 10 people in front of you.

Andrew (yep, same Andrew — who got yet ANOTHER blog mention, LOL) made one of the funniest menstrual euphemisms I’ve ever heard.  He was joking that he’d gone through the change and didn’t need pads anymore, and said something along the lines of “I figure I don’t need a raft for the river anymore.”  Even funnier is that the girl he was saying it to had no idea what he was talking about.

I saw one of my favorite customers today.  A sweet guy who’s been featured on the food network.  He does BBQ, and from what I understand, he’s one of the best.  Someday I’ll have to give his cooking a try.  He’s one of those customers that always manages to make me smile when he comes in.  I was so excited the first time he came through my line.  I remembered him from the show he was featured on, and I loved the episode.

to be nice.

Ok, so I’m at work and this woman comes through my line.  First thing I notice is that black hair and white-blonde roots (that are easily 2 inches long) don’t look good on anyone.  Next I notice a shade of eyeshadow I don’t think they’ve made since the 80’s (think day-glo turquoise).  I’m amused, but I don’t say anything or let it show.  She snaps at the bagger “I’ll pack it myself!”  Ooh, attitude.  This should be fun.  I’m my usual smiling, pleasant, friendly self.  I ask for her price plus card and her coupons and she ignores me.  So I wait, scan a few items, let her get her cart empty.  As she goes down to bag her groceries, I go to ask again for her price plus and coupons.  She snaps again, “Why didn’t you ask for this?  Everyone else asks for this!”  I pointed out that I asked her for her price plus and coupons, she says “Well I only heard you ask for the coupons.”  Yeah, whatever.  I asked for both.  If you weren’t so wrapped up in yourself you’d have heard it.  The bagger you sent away, who was working one register over heard it.  As did the bagger on the other side.  The issue here isn’t me.

So I get the card, scan it and continue to ring.  Still smiling, still being pleasant.  The items on the conveyor belt start jamming up, so I turn it off.  A minute later she yells at me to turn it back on.  Nevermind that there’s a switch down there for her to turn it off and on at her convenience.  Whatever.  Still smiling, as best I can.  Not so pleasant anymore, but not rude.  I finish ringing up her stuff.  She’s still bagging.  The stuff is jamming at the end of the belt again.  So I go to pick up the meat items and stack them so they’re out of the way and not jamming up the flow anymore.  This bitch snatches them out of my hands and yells “I said I’d pack it myself.”  I told her I was just moving stuff so that it wouldn’t jam up and damage her items.  She rolled her eyes and said “Whatever.”  Yeah, smile gone and this dumb cunt (that’s right, I said CUNT) is getting the raised eyebrow that says “I’m no longer amused.”  She got curt replies out of me after that.  Not even a “have a nice day.”  I really wanted to tell her to check her fucking attitude at the door.  Thank you, drive through and FUCK YOUR FRIES.

The next customer, however, was awesome.  She came up laughing her ass off, quite plainly laughing at the bitch before her and had a lot of humorous things to say about the hair and eye shadow.  I mean seriously… turquoise?  I can’t remember the last time it was in fashion to match your eyeshadow to the EXACT color of your shirt.

One of my co-workers had the thrill of ringing someone up today who had (I swear to god) a 4 inch line of snot hanging off the end of his nose.  Just dangling there, waiting to be wiped or to get to the point that it just dropped.  I felt so bad for my co-worker, but I was so glad the guy wasn’t in my line.  Frankly, I had to walk away because I was laughing so hard at the look on my co-workers face.  It’s times like these you wish you could offer a tissue with a persons change.

I work at a grocery store.  Glamourous, I know.  I have to say though, every day I’m astounded by the number of adults who either can’t read or can’t count.  Maybe it doesn’t matter to you if you take your overflowing cart through the express lane, but it DOES matter to the people behind you who actually READ the sign that says 20 items or less.  And while we’re on the subject of folk who don’t bother to read the sign (which is right next to the light that tells ya the lane is open), don’t yell at the cashier for pointing out that you’re about to take about $300 worth of groceries through the express lane.  “Like anyone bothers to count” is not a valid arguement.  23 items is fine.  Hell, I don’t really have a problem with 30 or 40 small items — you know, the kind of stuff that you can fit a lot of in those hand baskets?  Yeah, no problem there.  20 big items?  Great.  Don’t bring your overflowing cart, with enough food to feed a small army for 3 days through the express.  ESPECIALLY when there are 3 OTHER cashiers available who are NOT express.

While we’re at it, U-scan does not mean that you can bring as much crap through as you want, since you’re scanning it yourself.  It’s still an EXPRESS LANE.  Everytime you take something off the bagging area, the person manning the U-scans has to hit a button so you can continue your order.  While that doen’t sound too difficult (as a matter of fact a monkey could probably do it), it does take that persons time away from assisting other customers in that area.  Just go to the regular cashiers.  You want it bagged a certain way?  Let the cashier or bagger know.  They’ll be more than happy to step back and let you bag your own damn groceries.

Speaking of bagging.  Why the hell are you standing there watching the cashier bag your $400 grocery purchase?  You have two arms and if you are capable of putting it in a cart, you’re capable of putting it in a bag.  HELP.  Didn’t your parents teach you any kind of courtesy?  When you just stand there and watch us bag your phenomenally HUGE order, you make the people behind you wait longer.  Nothing amuses me more than the person who bitches about the order before them taking so long, and then not helping to bag.  It would piss you off to wait forever for the cashier to do all the bagging for an order before you.  So why the hell are you not helping with your own order?  Are you that rude and inconciderate?  Now I understand that some people have issues that limit or prohibit them helping — wrangling small children, etc.  But I’ve also seen people in mobility carts with oxygen tanks stand up and help me bag their groceries.  I’ve seen women holding babies bag with one hand.  I even have a customer who is in a wheelchair help bag what she can reach.  You who appear to be in good health with two able arms can certainly put your eggs and ramen noodles in a bag while I scan the 5,000 coupons you just handed me.

This rampage is going so well, let me discuss another issue that bothers the crap out of me.  WHY for the love of god do you need me to put a paper bag into a plastic bag… and then put ONE TINY ITEM INTO IT??????????????  If you want extra paper bags, just ask for them.  We’ll give them to you.  I don’t get the paper in plastic thing anyway.  People say that the plastic bags break, the paper reinforces them.  Yeah, ok, then why are you holding it with the plastic bags handles?  All that’s going to happen is the plastic is going to break and the paper AND all the groceries are going to fall out.  Of course, I’ve never had a bag break when I did my grocery shopping.  Paper or plastic.  And I’ve had a bagger put a 5-lb bag of potatoes in a bag with a gallon of milk.  One bag, lots of weight and still it did not break.  Must be magic.

work is ok.  i like the job and most of the people.  management sucks.  i suppose that a lot of people feel that way about their jobs.  i just get irritated by them when they schedule me on a day i request off.  ok, i realize they can’t honor every frivilous request off, so if i request off because i’m going to the beach… whatever, i’ll deal with it.  but if i request off because i don’t have anyone to watch my child… it means i don’t have anyone to watch my child.  newsflash: i’m not the kind of parent who’ll leave their child at home unattended for hours on end.  on top of that, i keep getting little digs about not working sundays.  ok, here’s the thing.  there are no issues with mom watching him saturday or sunday… but making it so she can’t get anything done away from home all weekend?  no.  that’s not working.  i get little comments about how it’s a problem that i can’t work both days of every weekend.  excuse me?  hire more people for weekends then.  i have no doubt they’re out there.  you’ve apparently been turning people away all summer who’ve asked if you’re hiring.  surely some of those are brides to be who are looking for extra weekend work to pay for their dream weddings or something — that’s what my sister did, actually.  sunday?  yeah, it’s a premium day.  they pay a dollar more an hour on sundays.  most people would prefer sunday to saturday anyway.  it gets better, i talked to someone the other day who’s worked at other stores, stores owned by the same family, the whole “everyone must work both days of every weekend” attitude is only maintained at the store i work for.  nice, huh?  at the other stores, sunday is voluntary… being a premium day and all.