randomly chaotic and frequently mundane

Seriously?? Ok people, what happened to courtesy?? Has it gone out the window?? Is it buried with Michael Jackson?? What?

Here’s the deal.? Today at work, I was the attendant at the self check out.? Not a bad gig, you’re more free to move around and you can do more to assist a customer with a question than just say “They can probably help you at the courtesy desk.”? ? Every so often, when it gets busy, they send me over to a register to take a few customers and keep the lines down then it’s right back to self checkout.? The light that says “hey this cashier is open” isn’t even turned on unless we’re REALLY busy and they need me to stay there for more than 10 minutes.

So today, I was put on a register to take exactly ONE customer.? A customer with a very large order, which would hold up and cause delays in any other line, but since I wasn’t actually open or taking other customers it wouldn’t matter.? I’m getting to the end of this person’s order, placing items in the bag with my back to where the line is and when I turn around there’s not one, but TWO more people unloading their carts at the register.? I check to verify that the light is in fact off… it was.? I finish with the one person that I was supposed to ring up and figure I might as well take these other two customers.? So I start ringing up the first lady… who decides to inform me that we shouldn’t let people with more than 20 items go through the express lane.? I’ll grant her that, especially since the register they put me on was the lane closest to the self check out, where I could still monitor, and that lane happens to be an express lane.? Of course… I wasn’t open, so there SHOULDN’T have been any customers to be upset by this.? But this woman took it upon herself to let me know how bothered by it she was.? So I told her “Well ma’am, this register was only opened to ring up that one customer, who would have caused a big delay in the line at any other register.? I’m monitoring the self checkout and this register isn’t technically open.” To which she responded something along the lines of “well does that mean if I wanted to take a cart full of groceries through express I could?”? I told her no.? Because the register that rang up that cart full of groceries was and still is closed.? She continued to argue that it wasn’t right and that no one should be allowed to take more than 20 items through the express.? So I said “Ma’am, I don’t know that this register qualifies as express, since it’s closed.”? Wouldn’t you know it, by the time I finished bagging her stuff, more people got in line… while my back was turned.? Each time I made a point to give them a raised eyebrow and glance up at my light.? After that, I started taking a tally.? Minus the people that were directed to the register I was at, and the people I told to come into my line, I had 45 people jump in my line today.? While the light was OFF.? Not a single one was courteous enough to ask if I was open.? I even had one who came up as I was leaving the register and say “Don’t go anywhere, here I come.”? I told her I was closed because I had to get back to my station.? She wasn’t thrilled by that, but I really don’t give a fuck.

People please, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out which lanes are open or closed at the grocery store.? And just because there’s someone standing there doesn’t mean that it’s open.? Hell, I had people line up when I went from the self check out to the nearest register to use the hand sanitizer dispenser at the register.? And while you’re shopping, buy some fucking patience.? If I have to hear one more person ask if another register can be opened because there’s 1 person being rung up at express and 1 person being rung up at the “bring as many items as you want” lane, with nobody behind them, I’m gonna scream.? If you’re in that big a hurry, I suggest learning to use the self check out (which is usually completely empty when people pull this bullshit).? You’re not so important that a store must rearrange it’s employees to serve you immediately.? Wait the 2 minutes that it will take for the person in front of you to be done and be happy that it wasn’t 10 people in front of you.

Andrew (yep, same Andrew — who got yet ANOTHER blog mention, LOL) made one of the funniest menstrual euphemisms I’ve ever heard.? ? He was joking that he’d gone through the change and didn’t need pads anymore, and said something along the lines of “I figure I don’t need a raft for the river anymore.”? Even funnier is that the girl he was saying it to had no idea what he was talking about.

I saw one of my favorite customers today.? A sweet guy who’s been featured on the food network.? He does BBQ, and from what I understand, he’s one of the best.? Someday I’ll have to give his cooking a try.? He’s one of those customers that always manages to make me smile when he comes in.? I was so excited the first time he came through my line.? I remembered him from the show he was featured on, and I loved the episode.

to be nice.

Ok, so I’m at work and this woman comes through my line.? First thing I notice is that black hair and white-blonde roots (that are easily 2 inches long) don’t look good on anyone.? Next I notice a shade of eyeshadow I don’t think they’ve made since the 80’s (think day-glo turquoise).? I’m amused, but I don’t say anything or let it show.? She snaps at the bagger “I’ll pack it myself!”? Ooh, attitude.? This should be fun.? I’m my usual smiling, pleasant, friendly self.? I ask for her price plus card and her coupons and she ignores me.? So I wait, scan a few items, let her get her cart empty.? As she goes down to bag her groceries, I go to ask again for her price plus and coupons.? She snaps again, “Why didn’t you ask for this?? Everyone else asks for this!”? I pointed out that I asked her for her price plus and coupons, she says “Well I only heard you ask for the coupons.”? Yeah, whatever.? I asked for both.? If you weren’t so wrapped up in yourself you’d have heard it.? The bagger you sent away, who was working one register over heard it.? As did the bagger on the other side.? The issue here isn’t me.

So I get the card, scan it and continue to ring.? Still smiling, still being pleasant.? The items on the conveyor belt start jamming up, so I turn it off.? ? A minute later she yells at me to turn it back on.? Nevermind that there’s a switch down there for her to turn it off and on at her convenience.? Whatever.? Still smiling, as best I can.? Not so pleasant anymore, but not rude.? I finish ringing up her stuff.? She’s still bagging.? The stuff is jamming at the end of the belt again.? So I go to pick up the meat items and stack them so they’re out of the way and not jamming up the flow anymore.? This bitch snatches them out of my hands and yells “I said I’d pack it myself.”? I told her I was just moving stuff so that it wouldn’t jam up and damage her items.? She rolled her eyes and said “Whatever.”? Yeah, smile gone and this dumb cunt (that’s right, I said CUNT) is getting the raised eyebrow that says “I’m no longer amused.”? She got curt replies out of me after that.? Not even a “have a nice day.”? I really wanted to tell her to check her fucking attitude at the door.? Thank you, drive through and FUCK YOUR FRIES.

The next customer, however, was awesome.? She came up laughing her ass off, quite plainly laughing at the bitch before her and had a lot of humorous things to say about the hair and eye shadow.? I mean seriously… turquoise?? I can’t remember the last time it was in fashion to match your eyeshadow to the EXACT color of your shirt.

One of my co-workers had the thrill of ringing someone up today who had (I swear to god) a 4 inch line of snot hanging off the end of his nose.? Just dangling there, waiting to be wiped or to get to the point that it just dropped.? I felt so bad for my co-worker, but I was so glad the guy wasn’t in my line.? Frankly, I had to walk away because I was laughing so hard at the look on my co-workers face.? It’s times like these you wish you could offer a tissue with a persons change.

I work at a grocery store.? Glamourous, I know.? I have to say though, every day I’m astounded by the number of adults who either can’t read or can’t count.? Maybe it doesn’t matter to you if you take your overflowing cart through the express lane, but it DOES matter to the people behind you who actually READ the sign that says 20 items or less.? And while we’re on the subject of folk who don’t bother to read the sign (which is right next to the light that tells ya the lane is open), don’t yell at the cashier for pointing out that you’re about to take about $300 worth of groceries through the express lane.? “Like anyone bothers to count” is not? a valid arguement.? 23 items is fine.? Hell, I don’t really have a problem with 30 or 40 small items — you know, the kind of stuff that you can fit a lot of in those hand baskets?? Yeah, no problem there.? 20 big items?? Great.? Don’t bring your overflowing cart, with enough food to feed a small army for 3 days through the express.? ESPECIALLY when there are 3 OTHER cashiers available who are NOT express.

While we’re at it, U-scan does not mean that you can bring as much crap through as you want, since you’re scanning it yourself.? It’s still an EXPRESS LANE.? Everytime you take something off the bagging area, the person manning the U-scans has to hit a button so you can continue your order.? While that doen’t sound too difficult (as a matter of fact a monkey could probably do it), it does take that persons time away from assisting other customers in that area.? Just go to the regular cashiers.? You want it bagged a certain way?? Let the cashier or bagger know.? They’ll be more than happy to step back and let you bag your own damn groceries.

Speaking of bagging.? Why the hell are you standing there watching the cashier bag your $400 grocery purchase?? You have two arms and if you are capable of putting it in a cart, you’re capable of putting it in a bag.? HELP.? Didn’t your parents teach you any kind of courtesy?? When you just stand there and watch us bag your phenomenally HUGE order, you make the people behind you wait longer.? Nothing amuses me more than the person who bitches about the order before them taking so long, and then not helping to bag.? It would piss you off to wait forever for the cashier to do all the bagging for an order before you.? So why the hell are you not helping with your own order?? Are you that rude and inconciderate?? Now I understand that some people have issues that limit or prohibit them helping — wrangling small children, etc.? But I’ve also seen people in mobility carts with oxygen tanks stand up and help me bag their groceries.? I’ve seen women holding babies bag with one hand.? I even have a customer who is in a wheelchair help bag what she can reach.? You who appear to be in good health with two able arms can certainly put your eggs and ramen noodles in a bag while I scan the 5,000 coupons you just handed me.

This rampage is going so well, let me discuss another issue that bothers the crap out of me.? WHY for the love of god do you need me to put a paper bag into a plastic bag… and then put ONE TINY ITEM INTO IT??????????????? If you want extra paper bags, just ask for them.? We’ll give them to you.? I don’t get the paper in plastic thing anyway.? People say that the plastic bags break, the paper reinforces them.? Yeah, ok, then why are you holding it with the plastic bags handles?? All that’s going to happen is the plastic is going to break and the paper AND all the groceries are going to fall out.? Of course, I’ve never had a bag break when I did my grocery shopping.? Paper or plastic.? And I’ve had a bagger put a 5-lb bag of potatoes in a bag with a gallon of milk.? One bag, lots of weight and still it did not break.? Must be magic.

work is ok.? i like the job and most of the people.? management sucks.? i suppose that a lot of people feel that way about their jobs.? i just get irritated by them when they schedule me on a day i request off.? ok, i realize they can’t honor every frivilous request off, so if i request off because i’m going to the beach… whatever, i’ll deal with it.? but if i request off because i don’t have anyone to watch my child… it means i don’t have anyone to watch my child.? newsflash: i’m not the kind of parent who’ll leave their child at home unattended for hours on end.? on top of that, i keep getting little digs about not working sundays.? ok, here’s the thing.? there are no issues with mom watching him saturday or sunday… but making it so she can’t get anything done away from home all weekend?? no.? that’s not working.? i get little comments about how it’s a problem that i can’t work both days of every weekend.? excuse me?? hire more? people for weekends then.? i have no doubt they’re out there.? you’ve apparently been turning people away all summer who’ve asked if you’re hiring.? surely some of those are brides to be who are looking for extra weekend work to pay for their dream weddings or something — that’s what my sister did, actually.? sunday?? yeah, it’s a premium day.? they pay a dollar more an hour on sundays.? most people would prefer sunday to saturday anyway.? it gets better, i talked to someone the other day who’s worked at other stores, stores owned by the same family, the whole “everyone must work both days of every weekend” attitude is only maintained at the store i work for.? nice, huh?? at the other stores, sunday is voluntary… being a premium day and all.